Well, someone finally cracked. Dave broke up with me yesterday, after two years. It was really, really devastating because he didn't say anything the entire time, everything was just normal and as soon as I was on my way out the door he blurted it out. I had some kind of idiotic panic attack and got mascara all over his shirt and then ran all the way home. I'm trying my hardest not to go over there and talk to him. But, I can't.

He's my best friend, which is even worse. So, I have pretty much nobody to talk to about it except my blog. Whatever, I'm getting better. I actually feel a lot better than I did this morning. I felt like I was being held underwater, and it sucked. Maybe he'll still talk to me, I mean I don't know what I'll do without being able to drag somebody to coffee at weird hours and watch my stupid movies with and talk about comic books.

He was really stressing the "I want to be your friend" crap. So, maybe I still have that, because I'm screwed otherwise. Today, I went searching through my phone book looking for people to do stuff with but its completely empty sans Maggie and Jiabao, who pretty much work whenever I'm off...and they don't speak English, and they hate coffee. This is really depressing.

I think this is why people are so crazy. I think this is the first breakup where I actually cared about the person. It was really scary, really really scary. Scary as in listening to Petula Clark albums on repeat for hours and hours kind of scary. I guess I kind of understand why people are so bitchy all the time. Ah, to relate to the world with our heartbreak.

Anyway, I've found some solid coping methods, such as watching the entire Beach Party film series. Nothing lifts my spirits better than Eric Von Zipper and the crazy groovy butt shaking dancing. Ah...and I went shopping on amazon.com and finally bought myself the Jack Kerouac collection on CD. I think that I kind of needed it at that point. I listened to all the tracks online and completely forgot how miserable I was. (He had the sexiest voice ever.)

Now, I'm completely obsessed with Hal Liffson's 1966 compilation. We'll see what the week brings now with my new obsessions and sudden change.

xoxo

Lola