 I swear, I'm going insane. Today I wanted nothing more than to lock myself behind a door and read for hours on end, and I would have to, if the world would have permitted it to be. I get so caught up in things like books that for the short duration that I read one (or five at a time) I become so completely absorbed in the story, the characters, that I really lose all sense of self. Its really amazing how much literature can affect me sometimes. I nearly go into comas after reading anything by Chuck Palahniuk, I sometimes go nearly frantic after reading Daniel Clowes...Its like being out of body I guess.
But I'm having an Enid day today. I locked myself up directly after getting home from work and cuddled up with a nice viewing of Ghost World. Its kind of like comfort food for me, except I don't eat a bunch of really gross food. I just sort of watch my life interpreted for film. It's amazing how alike the character Enid and I are. It scares me sometimes, but we pretty much have the same problems, the same creepy fetishes, and odd sense of style. Its incredible. And creepy. Should I take up a hobby? Make some friends?
That also hit me tonight, alone, reading under a lamp. Do I really have any social contact aside from work? Eek. I'm a total loner. I'm some kind of eccentric curiosity that people laugh upon. I'm a novelty for onlookers. Jesus. Maybe I just hate people or something. I really can't stand being around crowds of total idiotic morons.
And they are. I sometimes dread going to class in the morning because I feel like I'm somehow trasnported back to kindergarten, except nobody speaks Spanish and there aren't any H.R. Pufnstuff references. But these people are in an age range from 18-30 and they act like total degenerate losers. I seriously swear that they poke, and giggle and run around the classroom. Sometimes, I wonder if I was accidentally put in special ed or something. They're a bunch of remedial fuckups and losers.
I hate it. I hate that I can't relate to a single goddam person in my own generation.
Fuck it.
xoxo
Lola |
posted by Lola at 
